


Someone to tell the truth

by judyannhale



Series: Home to you [2]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, Morning After, coming out ish, deep chats, jen being gay, just them talking tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25051561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judyannhale/pseuds/judyannhale
Summary: “No, Judy, it’s not fucking okay, cause I can’t do the whole woo-woo I love everyone bullshit like you. I’ve spent my whole life thinking I’m straight and now I don’t know what the fuck I am and I can’t just keep going like it’s the same cause it’s fucking not.” Jen stops and realises what she’s just said.“Okay, that’s okay. I know it’s scary at first,” Judy reasons.“God, stop saying it’s fucking okay.”
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Series: Home to you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814383
Comments: 7
Kudos: 104





	Someone to tell the truth

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo I decided to write a second part cause they have more to talk about but you probs don't have to have read the first one. This is just what Jen's been needing to say if l*z would let her lol I hope you enjoy :)

“Hey you,” Judy says, emerging from the back door. She’d arrived home from work to find Jen sitting outside, alone.

“Oh, hey.” Jen turns around to see her in that long pink floral dress - the one Judy knows she loves.

“Didn’t see you this morning,” Judy says.

“I had an early meeting with Lorna.” She makes a gun shape with her hand and mimes shooting herself just to make Judy laugh.

“I thought maybe I spooked you last night,” Judy says, sitting down beside her on the outdoor couch.

“What? No,” Judy raises her eyebrows. “Last night was really good,” Jen says, meaning it.

“Right?” An excited little smile appears on Judy’s face. 

“Yeah,” Jen agrees.

“You know, I’ve been thinking all day, and maybe this is just when we start living our life together. You know, us, here, with the boys, like we have been but, like, really living it.” Jen’s smile falters as she hears how hopeful she is.

“Judy-” she sighs.

“Jen?” Judy asks.

“I love you,” Jen assures her. She’s said those words a hundred times before but they feel different now, almost strange.

“I love you too.” Judy replies quickly.

“But it was just one night,” Jen says. “And we were drunk.”

“Oh.” She sits back, dejected, and Jen realises she’s said the wrong thing.

“And it was amazing, Jude,” she adds quickly. “But I can’t do this if it’s going to go wrong in a few months and I’m going to lose you.”

Judy’s expression softens. “You’re not going to lose me, Jen. I’m in this shit for life.” She pauses, trying to find the right words. "But I don't want to spend that life just thinking about one night."

Jen feels herself starting to blush at the idea of Judy remembering their night like that.

“I don’t know what I’m doing here.” She shakes her head. “You don’t want to end up stuck with me.”

“What if that’s exactly what I want?” She replies.

“I’m serious, Jude.” 

“So am I.” Judy puts her hand on her arm and starts rubbing it gently with her thumb. Jen feels that same rush in her stomach as the night before.

“No. I’m a shitty mom, and I was a really shitty wife,” she explains. “I’m not even a good friend.”

“That’s not true,” Judy protests.

“You deserve _so_ much better.”

“Well I don’t want ‘better’. Whatever that even means,” Judy says decidedly.

Jen shakes her head. “You deserve someone who can propose to you with a flash mob, and who knows how to do all that romantic shit. Someone who at least makes you dinner more than once a month.”

“Jen,” Judy sighs, taking her hand. “You know how much I love to cook for you, and the boys. And, I don’t know, I feel like having two flash mob proposals in my life would start to get a little tacky…”

“Start?” Jen raises her eyebrows and they both laugh.

“I know Steve was good at that stuff, but you know what he was like,” Judy says sadly. “I really loved him, and he just hurt me in the end.”

“I know how that goes,” Jen says with a roll of her eyes.

“I know you know.” She takes Jen’s hand between both of hers. “But I’m tired of that. I just want someone who I can care about and who cares about me.”

“I don’t know what I want anymore. Fuck, I don’t know if I can do this.” Judy can see the fear in her expression.

“Why not?” She asks gently.

“Well for one thing I never even thought about... being... with a woman.” Jen can barely even bring herself to say it.

“Oh, right.” Judy’s surprised. “I mean I’ve been thinking about it most of my life and I never really came up with any concrete answers.”

“Great.” Jen’s not thrilled at the prospect of feeling this confused and scared forever.

“It’s okay, Jen,” Judy tries to reassure her. “You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Well I am fucking worried about it,” she snaps, pulling her hand out of Judy’s grasp.

“Okay,” She replies gently.

“No, Judy, it’s not fucking okay, cause I can’t do the whole woo-woo I love everyone bullshit like you. I’ve spent my whole life thinking I’m straight and now I don’t know what the fuck I am and I can’t just keep going like it’s the same cause it’s fucking not.” Jen stops and realises what she’s just said. The months of fear have finally spilled out of her and she doesn’t know what to do. She feels a familiar prickling at the back of her eyes and tries to push it away.

“Okay, that’s okay. I know it’s scary at first,” Judy reasons.

“God, stop saying it’s fucking okay.” Jen’s tone has turned from angry to pleading and she hates it. She hates feeling this vulnerable, even with Judy.

“Sorry”

“I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, Judy,” she tries to explain, leaning her head back against the couch cushions. “I'm meant to be a mom, not a fucking teenager messing about.”

“I didn't realise we were messing about,” Judy retorts.

“That's not what I meant.”

“Well I think that's bullshit,” She replies. “What, just because you have kids you're not allowed to have a life anymore?”

“Yeah, that's kind of how it works,” Jen says.

“Well, it shouldn't. You still deserve to be happy, and I don't know about you but I was having a really shit time as a teenager so I think we should get a chance now.” Jen laughs a little.

“God, being a teenager was shit,” she says, grateful for the segway in conversation.

“Right? I was such a mess,” Judy agrees.

“Especially with a mom going in and out of hospital,” Jen says.

“Or in and out of prison,” Judy adds with a sad smile.

“Yeah. I could've used someone like you.”

“Same.” Judy leans against her shoulder as Jen laughs.

“You wouldn’t have liked me. I was a total bitch,” she explains.

“As opposed to now?” Judy says with a smile.

“Bitch.” Jen gives Judy a playful shove that sets her off giggling.

“I’m kidding.” She reaches out for Jen’s arm. “You’re only a little bit of a bitch now,” she says sweetly.

“Thank you?” Jen laughs. “You’re only a little bit of a mess now.” They both look at each other, smiling, and for once Jen doesn’t break their eye contact.

“Come here,” Judy half-whispers, her hand finding its way to her cheek. Jen lets her pull her closer until their lips meet. Their kiss is beautiful, and safe, and terrifying, all at once.

“Judy-” Jen pulls away. “If you’re going to just be kissing me out in the open I need to get this straight in my head.”

“Well I hope not straight.” Judy says, trying to lighten the mood. It almost works.

“Jude,” Jen sighs.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Judy offers.

“Yeah.” She doesn’t _want_ to talk about it so much as she _needs_ to.

“Okay, whatever you need to say,” Judy says softly.

“Okay.” Jen tries to think, tries to figure out what she can possibly say. Frozen in some mixture of fear and confusion, her eyes glaze over.

“Jen?”

“Oh like, now?” Jen asks, snapping out of it. “Okay.”

Judy takes Jen’s hand again and squeezes it. “What are you thinking?”

Jen holds her hand like an anchor as she finally lets herself open up. “Okay, so my whole life I always thought what people said about love was bullshit, cause I didn't really feel any of that with Ted. Or with anyone. And even when I was young and I'd watch movies over and over cause I thought I just wanted to _be_ like these actresses and I think maybe this whole time I've been…” She trails off, unable to completely face what she knows is true out loud.

“Gay?” Judy offers.

“Something like that.”

“Okay. That’s a lot to think about in one day,” she says, understanding Jen’s fear a little too well.

“It’s not just one day,” she admits, unsure if she should continue. The questioning look on Judy’s face tells her she doesn’t really have a choice. “Ever since you started dating Michelle, I guess I realised it was an option. And it’s kind of been in the back of my mind since then.”

“Jen,” Judy says, genuinely shocked. “Why didn’t you say anything?"

“Cause you were with her,” Jen brushes it off. “And, I don’t know, I guess I didn’t think it would ever go anywhere. I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling”

Judy nods. “And how d’you feel now?”

Jen takes a deep breath and tries to ignore how fast her heart is pounding. 

“I really like you, Jude. Gross. But it's like you’re the only person I’ve ever felt like I could really talk to. I want to just talk to you for hours and tell you everything, and I want to know everything about you. And you're the kindest person I've ever met and I think you're beautiful, and I want to relive last night a million times…” 

She trails off. Judy’s still staring at her intently, her heart melting a little more with every word she hears. “And I've never been so fucking terrified in my life so I'm really gonna need you to say something,” Jen adds quickly.

“Jen,” Judy says, her eyes so full of hope that it gives Jen that rushing feeling in her chest. “I've been in love with you since the moment we met.”

“Like with everyone?” Jen asks.

“No,” Judy shakes her head, taking Jen’s other hand so she can hold them together. “Not like everyone. It was like I already knew who you were. And I love being with you, and I can't stop thinking about you when you’re not here, and you're perfect and I want to fuck you into tomorrow-”

“Eww,” Jen interrupts her heartfelt speech. “Fuck me into tomorrow?” She raises her eyebrows.

“Not hot?” Judy laughs.

“Jude-” She winces.

“No, I heard it as soon as I said it,” Judy says, leaning on Jen’s shoulder as she giggles.

Jen shakes her head laughing. “Not hot.”

“But you get what I mean.”


End file.
